My Accidental Mushroom Trip
The first time I ate psychedelic mushrooms I didn’t know it.
I was staying at a friends’ house while they were out of town for the night.
Here was the plan: eat sushi, drink wine, watch Game of Thrones, and cap it off with a phone call with my husband (then-boyfriend) Sam who lived across the country.
I was a bottle of wine deep and craving chocolate so I searched the kitchen. Matt and Amy were too healthy. I couldn’t find anything.
But I kept looking.
Finally, in a refrigerator drawer, tucked away, I found it: two homemade peanut butter cups in a Ziploc bag. PERFECT.
I probably shouldn’t eat their only dessert, but, “Whatever,” I thought. “It’s just a couple of chocolates. They probably forgot they were even in here.”
Sam called, apologetic. I didn’t mind the late call. We were in the beginning stages of our relationship so all I wanted to do was talk to him on the phone.
I found my way into the bedroom and left my phone on speaker while I went into the bathroom to pee. I was sitting on the toilet when I realized I had been sitting on the toilet for a while. And then I realized I couldn’t get up.
I told Sam so. He didn’t seem concerned. He asked me, because he’s so practical, “Do you want me to help you?” I laughed, wondering how he could help me but said yes. He said, “Put all your weight on your right foot.” I thought that was really funny. But I did it and it worked. “I’m off the toilet!” I said.
For a moment I forgot Sam was on the phone. We had been talking for a while and I actually thought he was sitting in the other room. I was a little sad when I realized he wasn’t physically there.
I made my way - fully clothed - to the bathtub and laid down. I never laid in a bathtub fully clothed before but it felt like the right thing to do.
I don’t remember what Sam and I talked about. But finally I told him, “I feel like I’m on drugs. Which is weird because I DEFINITELY didn’t do drugs.”
I don’t know how long I laid in the bathtub but it felt like a really long time.
I tried to figure out what was wrong with me. Did I take a dose of melatonin, forget, and then take more? Can you overdose on melatonin??
Sam never seemed too alarmed by what was going on but I did insist he stay on the phone until 4am, at which point I poured myself a glass of water and sat cross-legged on the bed. When I looked down at both hands cupping the glass, a white cloud engulfed the entire area around my body. When I closed my eyes, I saw a black and green circus. The characters at the circus were black silhouette cartoonish animals, similar to dogs, with pointy ears and features. Very smart and cunning. There was a trapeze and merry-go-round and the biggest tent I had ever seen.
When I opened my eyes a cloud, when I closed my eyes a circus. It was one or the other.
Not until 5am did I finally remember the chocolates. The homemade chocolates in a Ziploc bag. You idiot. Those were not forgotten chocolates in the fridge. They were hidden, stashed away for a special occasion.
I texted Amy and she confirmed. I felt three things:
- Relief: I DID do drugs! That explains the circus!
- Guilt: I am SO sorry I ate your mushrooms.
- Panic: I have to work in THREE hours.
Thankfully, Matt and Amy thought it was hilarious I ate them and were not mad at all. Although Matt was confused.
“Wait, you ate BOTH of them?”
“Uh, yea,” I said.
“Holy shit Bleeck, I only eat half of one.”
Whoops.
I stumbled to the restaurant to serve brunch assholes who drink bottomless mimosas and puke by noon. As soon as I walked in I told my manager I accidentally ate a bunch of mushrooms last night. “Fuck, Bleeck, just go home.”
“No, I need the money! I’m fine.”
I was not fine. But at least I wasn’t hallucinating anymore.
It was my first time eating mushrooms. A shit ton of mushrooms. And I didn’t even know until the trip was over.
Turns out the magic wasn’t in the mushrooms. The magic was in the relationships with my boyfriend and friends. Their support proved to be far more impactful than the hallucinogenic power of the drugs.
But holy shit those were some strong mushrooms.
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Much thanks to Cam Houser for providing feedback on this story.
